“Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”” – Mark 9:24 (ESV)

How long has it been? I remember the ones we lost. Those who have left us. They died. Of cancer.

How I hate that disease. From the count of those who suffered and passed away, it has so far, proven to be unbeatable. Not even our prayer availed much.

My friends’ fathers have died from it. I know many who suffer from it. I know many more through stories of others who have passed away because of it.

Despite our prayers, there was no healing. No testimony of God’s miracle. There are only monuments. Graves. Flowers. Memories. And grief that doesn’t completely go away.

That cry of healing from a father on the behalf of his son is something I think we all can relate to. There’s the desperation, a glimmer of hope against all hope that God will come in and save the day. The hope that there will be healing and rejoicing. And fear, fear is always there too. Through doubtful prayer we groan in grief and pain.

What a paradox! We believe, but we also disbelieve.

But whenever people pleaded for a healing, asking, “If you are willing…” Christ always answered: “I am willing…” (Matthew 8:3; Mark 1:41; Luke 5:13).

So why? Why did our prayers go unanswered? Why was there no healing, even though Christ is always willing? Why did they pass from this earth?

I cannot say. I cannot say and there are times I’m afraid to even begin praying for a healing when hearing of someone becoming terribly sick. I’m afraid I’m coming to God as a hypocrite, someone who doesn’t believe and yet…knowing He still listens.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve wrestled with my own faith – even while having my own personal testimonies of God’s faithfulness. But I tell you this, even though I continue to struggle in my unbelief regarding healing, I still go to God in prayer, having faith that He hears. We don’t always get what we desire, and our circumstances don’t always change. But He gives us strength to get through the day and love to comfort others in spite of our troubles. Joy to look forward to the life we have in Him, and peace knowing that regardless of what happens to our physical bodies, our soul is secure in Him.

“Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.” –Isaiah 53:4-5 (ESV)